who knew?

who knew that you would have such a spell on me? I sure didn’t. I truly believe you are scared and your stupid friends are the barriers. after graduation, things will be much different. who knows where we will all end up. There must be a reason why we both haven’t moved on and keep coming back to each other. I mean its been 2 years now. that’s crazy.i care about you more then you will ever know. and i know you care about me just as much. all i really wanna do is to go on a long drive with you and talk. i miss you and the conversations we used to have about everything. no one even knows the depths of what we talked about. it was so personal and honest and genuine. maybe that’s why it is so hard for me to just forget you. no one understands how real it was. it all comes back when the Ingrid Michaelson song comes on my shuffle. we were different people then and maybe it wasn’t the right time for us to be in a relationship. times change and people change and maybe someday will be our second chance.

had the strangest dream last night

it was us. we saw each other on the street one afternoon. we were both living our dreams in a city that we never thought we would end up working in. it was so nice to see you after so many years of not speaking to you or seeing you. we both weren’t seeing anyone and you asked me out to dinner. we met that night and i woke up right when we both sat down at the table and you had just told me i looked beautiful and if you could go back, you would have done it all different.

i don’t care what anyone says. i’ll always care about you.

i’ll never ask for anyone but you

Do you remember when we didn’t care
We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there
Do you remember you at all
Another heart calls

Yeah I remember when we stole the night
We’d lie awake but dreaming ‘til the sun would wash the sky

Just as soon as I see you
But didn’t I, but didn’t I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it’s true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it’s true
I’ll never ask for anyone but you

Talk to me
I’m throwing myself in front of you
This could be the last mistake
That I would ever wanna do
Yeah all I ever do is give it’s time you see my point of view

Just as soon as I see you
But didn’t I, but didn’t I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it’s true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it’s true
I’ll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it’s true
I’ll never ask for anyone but you

I’m sorry
So what?
But you don’t think I’ve said enough
I’m sorry
I don’t care
You were never there

As soon as I see you
But didn’t I, but didn’t I tell you
As deep as I need you
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it’s true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it’s true
I’ll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it’s true
I’ll never ask for anyone but you


this song might as well have been written about us. i can’t believe after talking to one of our mutual friends what i found out. you continue to blow my mind. i can’t get you outta my head. the awful part is how much i still care about you and how much you still care about me. why don’t we do what just makes sense? well, life’s just not that simple.

every time..

every time our song comes on shuffle, i think of how sweet you used to be when you would sing it to me and even when you weren’t there you would sing to me on the phone. i know i sound pathetic to still be hung up on you. but you were the only guy who was so genuine and honest with me. everyone else is scum. plain and simple. i just wish you wouldn’t let your friends influence your mind. when its just me and you, its so simple and perfect. why can’t you grow up and see how much i care, even though i should not give a shit about you… but i do .. and i always will.

finally

urgh i could not be happier with this situation. finally finally finally i met someone who might have potential. i had the most humiliating moment of my life.. but to my surprise, it wasn’t that bad. and was completely understood. thankful for random encounters and strange connections